Lessons Learned

Dating

(What we wish we learned earlier in life)

1. "Friends and lovers can be together for a reason, a season, or a lifetime".

Cyborg didn't understand that a fun reason or season didn't necessarily mean this was the right person to build a life with. In the short term, he tended to focus on what was working and incorrectly assumed that a fun weekend or month would last a lifetime.

2. Have an exclusionary list.

Many of us are clear about what we want. We wish we had a well-thought-out exclusionary list- those life situations, habits, and beliefs that wouldn't work for us. Being specific about what doesn't work and what will work made our dating life more productive and fun.

3. Pay more attention to the exclusionary list.

By focusing on the "wants" that worked, Cyborg minimized or diminished those exclusion list items that didn't work, thereby investing too much time in what would ultimately be failed relationships.

4. The left/right swipe eliminates some great choices.

Is your "type" working for you? If not, maybe it is time to broaden your search. Mermaid (thankfully) could have but chose not to require a college degree. Cyborg - while having done well, didn't have a degree. We are a very happy mating pair that would have never happened if Mermaid had stuck to a pattern that wasn't serving her.

5. You will meet dozens who will take your breath away.

Choose the one that reminds you to breathe.

Relationships

  1. "THANK YOU"  According to renowned couples and relationship coach John Gottman (gottman.com)  who studied 40,000 partners, this is the #1 phrase in successful relationships. Creating a genuine culture of consistent appreciation for the big and little things our partner does for us is more important than "I love you".

  2. "What is the last thing you stroke at night before you go to bed - your phone or your partner?" Esther Perel (estherperel.com) has an amazing ability to ask pointed questions that get to the heart of relationships. Are we prioritizing and acting with intent to what matters most?

  3. GGG! "GOOD, GIVING AND GAME" is the bedroom/intimacy phrase created by Dan Savage (savage.love), the author of the longest-running sex column in the US. Both Mermaid and Cyborg practice GGG and believe that this attitude applies to all rooms of the house and our daily life as a Mating Pair.