Dating
Dating Questions
Everyone has their list- here is ours (can you tell our approach to dating is a little different?)
Not all of these questions are "First Date" but they are designed to be asked earlier to either succeed or "Fail Fast" ( see below)
Do you make more than you spend?
Political generalities (far left, center left, center, right, far right)?
Religious practices/beliefs?
Relationships with exes, parents, siblings, kids? (Red flag if too much estrangement or enmeshment)
What is your relationship with tobacco, alcohol, or drugs? Which ones/ how much/ how frequently?
What time do you ideally go to bed and wake up each day?
Five love languages ranked. Difficult to pair someone who has physical affection 1st with someone who has it 5th. It is important to understand the way your potential partner feels most loved) For more details: 5lovelanguages.com
Jumping 12 steps ahead if this goes well, what do we look like in a year? (Not everyone has the same definition of a successful relationship. Sort this out early)
We have a week off together- where would you like us to go and why?
What are you really good at in the household and what do you not do or prefer not to do?
Sex, what do you like and expect/frequency? What is off-limits?
Have you ever used the offering or withholding of physical or emotional intimacy as a weapon to punish or as an inducement to get what you want? Why?
Is there anything in your background I should know about now that I really don't want to discover in 6 months?
FAIL FAST
FAIL FAST is a thought process borrowed from software development that embraces rapid development and testing, then quickly cutting your losses if it isn't working. We think this works well in dating as well for 3 reasons:
If it isn't working you haven't wasted months/years with the wrong person.
The time you save gives you more opportunities to find the right person. We encourage people to think about "opportunity cost"... the cost of too slowly evaluating a less-than-optimum choice and how that time could be better invested in finding a better choice.
If it is working - WONDERFUL. You can, with more certainty and clarity, move forward with your mating pair.
HOW?
Speed up. The time you invest with each other the quicker you will know if that person is a good fit. Why invest 6 months of time taking things slowly when you can invest one intensive month to sort things out quickly. If it is a no, you just saved yourself 5 months... Congratulations!
The more intensive time together shows either the existence of or the lack of consistent communication (timing and frequency). This communication will also shed light on the alignment of words, values and actions. This along with deep conversation builds the initial bonds of trust.
Then...travel together. YES, that probably means SEX - hope it is awesome. Stress the relationship and see how you are 24x7, new situations, travel delays and how each of you deal with emotions, food preferences, money and values. Can you negotiate daily life together where you flow happily as a mating pair?
STORY
A friend of ours traveled to Europe with a man she just started to date. She had a wonderful time but the trip provided the level of continuous proximity and interaction that showed her the relationship would not work. She was able to "Fail Fast", saving her the many months it would have taken otherwise had she taken things slowly.